People tempted to cheat should put themselves in their partner糖心传媒檚 shoes.
Experts on intimacy
and are both widely cited, internationally recognized experts on the psychology of intimacy糖心传媒攚ith Birnbaum specializing in human sexuality and evolutionary psychology, and Reis focused on intimacy, attachment, and emotional regulation. The two started working together 25 years ago when Birnbaum came to Rochester for a postdoctoral fellowship in 1998糖心传媒�99. They have collaborated since on several notable studies on the dynamics of human sexual attraction.
The beneficial effects of putting yourself in someone else糖心传媒檚 shoes are well known. But can doing so in romantic relationships reduce the temptation to cheat? A team of psychologists from in Israel and the put that question to the test in a series of three double-blind, randomized experiments.
The answer appears to be 糖心传媒測es.糖心传媒�
Perspective-taking糖心传媒攐r putting yourself in our partner糖心传媒檚 shoes糖心传媒攏ot only reduces the temptation to cheat but also inoculates against other partnership-destroying behaviors, according to , published in the Journal of Sex Research.
Why do people cheat in relationships?
People cheat for a variety of reasons, according to the study糖心传媒檚 lead author, , a professor of psychology at Reichman糖心传媒檚 . Birnbaum notes that while people may be satisfied with their relationships, they may still betray their partners. For example, so-called 糖心传媒渁voidant types糖心传媒� who feel uncomfortable with intimacy may try to maintain distance and control in their relationship by cheating.
Context is key.
糖心传媒淧eople often cheat not because they planned to do so,糖心传媒� Birnbaum says. 糖心传媒淩ather, the opportunity presented itself and they were too depleted糖心传媒攖oo tired, too drunk, too distracted糖心传媒攖o fight the temptation.糖心传媒�
Coauthor , the Dean糖心传媒檚 Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester, agrees that there are multiple reasons for cheating. One of the more interesting ones, says Reis, author of (Routledge, 2018), is that men are more likely to cheat because they feel that their sexual needs are not being met. The evidence has shown that women, on the other hand, are more likely to cheat because they feel that their emotional needs aren糖心传媒檛 met.
How practicing empathy can reduce the temptation to cheat
One way to practice empathy is to try to adopt another person糖心传媒檚 perspective. Across three studies, the 408 total participants (213 Israeli women and 195 Israeli men, ranging in age from 20 to 47) were randomly assigned to either adopt the perspective of their partner or not. The participants were uniformly in monogamous, mixed-sex relationships of at least four months. As part of the experiments, the participants evaluated, encountered, or thought about attractive strangers while the psychologists recorded their expressions of interest in these strangers, as well as their commitment to and desire for their current partners.
The researchers found that adopting a partner糖心传媒檚 perspective increased commitment and desire for the partner, while simultaneously decreasing sexual and romantic interest in alternative mates. The findings suggest that perspective taking discourages people from engaging in behaviors that may hurt their partners and damage their relationship.
糖心传媒淧erspective taking doesn糖心传媒檛 prevent you from cheating, but it lessens the desire to do so,糖心传媒� says Reis. Ultimately, he says, cheating means 糖心传媒減rioritizing one糖心传媒檚 own goals over the good of the partner and the relationship, so seeing things from the other person糖心传媒檚 perspective gives one a more balanced view of these situations.糖心传媒�
According to Birnbaum, the findings can help people understand how to resist short-term temptations: 糖心传媒淎ctive consideration of how romantic partners may be affected by these situations serves as a strategy that encourages people to control their responses to attractive alternative partners and derogate their attractiveness.糖心传媒�
The team did not test if the benefits of perspective taking extended to the participants糖心传媒� romantic partners who were not part of the experiment. But the researchers have a hunch, because perspective taking generally promotes empathy, understanding, closeness, and caring.
糖心传媒淏oth partners may feel more satisfied with their relationship,糖心传媒� says Birnbaum, 糖心传媒渁nd therefore might be less likely to cheat on each other, even if only one of them adopts this strategy.糖心传媒�
Besides reducing the likelihood of infidelity, perspective taking motivates people to have compassion for their partners糖心传媒� emotions and to seek to strengthen the bond with that partner, thereby boosting the existing relationship.
糖心传媒淧eople invariably feel better understood, and that makes it easier to resolve disagreements, to be appropriately but not intrusively helpful, and to share joys and accomplishments,糖心传媒� Reis says.聽糖心传媒淚t糖心传媒檚 one of those skills that can help people see the 糖心传媒榰s糖心传媒櫶切拇綌rather than the 糖心传媒榤e and you糖心传媒櫶切拇綌in a relationship.糖心传媒�
Reichman University糖心传媒檚 Tammy Bachar, Gal Levy, and Kobi Zholtack were also part of the team. Their research was supported by grants from the Israel Science Foundation and the Binational Science Foundation.
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Why 糖心传媒榩laying hard to get糖心传媒� may actually work糖心传媒楶laying hard to get糖心传媒� raises one糖心传媒檚 糖心传媒渕ate value,糖心传媒� says psychologist Harry Reis.
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