糖心传媒

A study by a 糖心传媒 psychologist finds patterns in the timing of lies and the way secrets are disclosed.

It糖心传媒檚 a truth universally acknowledged that most teenagers, at one time or another, will hide information from their parents. Some will lie outright.

Yet, when they do lie糖心传媒攄o they plan to fib ahead of time? What about when they share information糖心传媒揹o they do so voluntarily? And do they employ the same (mis)information strategies every time when they do something, or plan on doing something that they know their parents won糖心传媒檛 be happy about?

Of course, lying is not exclusive to adolescents. 糖心传媒淢ost people lie. Often more than once a day,糖心传媒� clarifies , a professor of at the .

But while we all regularly engage in social lies糖心传媒斕切拇�媒渃ute dress糖心传媒�; 糖心传媒淚 like the new haircut糖心传媒�; 糖心传媒渟orry, we have a prior engagement糖心传媒澨切拇�媒攖eens also often lie about their routine activities, such as where they were, with whom, and what they were doing.

Sometimes their fibs are trivial.

糖心传媒淚 forgot to feed the fish. I didn’t tell my parents, but the fish didn’t die, so it was okay,糖心传媒� Smetana recalls one teen糖心传媒檚 response.

But sometimes the concealing isn糖心传媒檛 so innocent.

Smetana has made it to understand how teenagers tick. For about four decades now, the developmental expert has focused on adolescent-parent relationships, parenting beliefs, and the moral and social reasoning of children, teens, and young adults.

Timing is (nearly) everything

In a , 聽published in the Journal of Adolescence, Smetana and two 糖心传媒 psychology graduate students, Sduduzo Mncwabe 糖心传媒�23 (MA) and , explored the narratives of 131 teenagers and college students who had been interviewed about a time when they did something that their parents disagreed with or had expressly forbidden. Study participants were asked about each of these three scenarios: a time when they subsequently disclosed (part or all of it), concealed, or lied about an activity that their parents disapproved of.

Narratives hold special value, according to Smetana. While disclosure and concealing has spawned a large body of research over the last two decades, most of it relies on questionnaires and surveys.

糖心传媒淣arratives provide rich information about how individuals make sense of their experiences糖心传媒� including how elaborate their narratives are, both factually and psychologically,糖心传媒� she says. 糖心传媒淭hey糖心传媒檙e really good for looking at how you reconstruct stories and what you remember about them.糖心传媒�

The present study is the third in a series, based on narratives that Smetana originally collected in 2014 and 2015. The (2019) looked at lessons teens learned about themselves and their parents, while the (2021) examined teenagers糖心传媒� emotions when reflecting on the three situations they had narrated.

For the , the team coded the narrated interviews for voluntariness, timing, consistency, and lessons learned. Part of the research addressed the that disclosure is voluntary, i.e. that teens who tell part or the whole truth do so on their own volition. 糖心传媒淏ut that糖心传媒檚 not always the case, which is what we suspected and, indeed, found,糖心传媒� says Smetana.

As most parents know糖心传媒攁nd which has been shown in prior research糖心传媒攁s children become teenagers, their willingness to share information and keep parents in the loop declines, while secrecy increases.

糖心传媒淧artly, that糖心传媒檚 about autonomy development, and teens doing what they want to do, even if it involves risky behavior,糖心传媒� says Smetana.

Key findings

Teenagers disclose information to their parents primarily voluntarily or strategically糖心传媒攅ither as a means to an end, such as telling the truth about a party to which they may need a ride, or preemptively because they suspect their parents will find out anyway.

糖心传媒淚t糖心传媒檚 significant,糖心传媒� that only 40 percent of study participants disclosed the salient information of their own volition糖心传媒斕切拇�媒渇ar less糖心传媒� than what had been , says Smetana.

Involuntary truth telling or disclosing, the team found, is much less frequent, and could involve a friend糖心传媒檚 spilling the beans accidentally, a teen糖心传媒檚 getting a tattoo that is eventually seen by parents, or by getting pressured by parents to tell.

Timing plays a crucial role: adolescents were more likely to lie (53 percent) before聽the event or action that their parents would not condone. However, telling the truth or disclosing the information occurred more often after they had already engaged in the parentally disapproved activity (35 percent disclosed the dodgy activity shortly afterwards, 8 percent lied for an extended time before coming clean, and 23 percent told the truth at some unspecified time).

Unsurprisingly (to any parent of teenagers), the teens in the study proved nimble in their approaches: they typically reported additional strategies besides the ones the researchers were specifically asking about, using multiple strategies around the same event.

糖心传媒淒isclosure may not be the first thing they do. Maybe they tried to get away with it without telling their parents. Or maybe they concealed first, and then they disclosed. It糖心传媒檚 really shades of gray糖心传媒攗sually not black and white,糖心传媒� says Smetana.

Disclosing (or telling the truth) after the event was associated with lessons learned, and voluntary disclosure with psychological growth. Meanwhile, psychological control糖心传媒攚hich is intrusive, manipulative, or disrespectful parenting that undermines the child糖心传媒攚as associated with negative self-lessons.

While a whole host of studies have looked at teenage disclosure and secrecy糖心传媒攖he timing of it has not been previously studied. Yet, timing, Smetana say, is crucial and has implications for how teens interpret these experiences, including life lessons learned.

Telling the truth voluntarily is linked to personal growth

Study participants were asked what, if anything, they had learned from their recounted experiences of disclosure and lying. Not all proved good ones, says Smetana. 糖心传媒淭he lesson learned about lying could be, 糖心传媒業糖心传媒檓 a good liar!糖心传媒� And we did get some of that.糖心传媒�

Overall, the researchers found that, regardless of age, telling the truth (or part of it) voluntarily was associated with teens糖心传媒� reporting positive change, such as greater psychological growth in understanding themselves, their purpose, self-efficacy, or connections to others and parents. When it came to experiences of truth telling, the team noticed that the disclosure narratives contained more motives, intentions, and desires糖心传媒攃ompared to the teens糖心传媒� narratives about concealment or lying.

糖心传媒淭hey had a better psychological understanding of themselves and made more psychological meaning out of disclosure, than out of concealment or lying,糖心传媒� says Smetana.

Conversely, teenagers drew more negative conclusions when retelling experiences of lying, such as more negative views and less clarity about themselves, more negative emotions, or poorer self糖心传媒恑mage. Additionally, disclosing 补蹿迟别谤糖心传媒�rather than before糖心传媒攖he narrated event was associated with greater likelihood of lessons learned about the self.

Lying often goes hand in hand with a host of other problems. Over time, lying regularly to parents is associated with poorer adolescent糖心传媒損arent relationships, and teenage problem behavior down the road, Smetana discovered in a in 2015. Especially in the case of lying, the likelihood of a teen糖心传媒檚 sliding into depression increases over time.

Previous research, the team notes, has shown that boys tend to lie to parents more than girls, perhaps because they are more likely to engage in deviant activities. Yet, pressured by parents to tell the truth lead over time to increases in stress for boys, and anxiety and depression for girls.

Disclosure and lying are 糖心传媒渃omplex and nuanced糖心传媒� actions, the team writes, varying in timing, consistency, and voluntariness. These features contribute to how adolescents construe, understand, or make sense of life events, relationships, others, and themselves糖心传媒攚hich psychologists refer to as meaning-making.

Advice for parents

According to Smetana, researchers used to think that parents who monitor their children糖心传媒攚ho have firm rules and ask their kids what they are up to糖心传媒攚ould be able to keep their offspring out of trouble. More recent research , however, indicates that parental monitoring doesn糖心传媒檛 improve parents糖心传媒� knowledge of their children糖心传媒檚 lives. Instead, it all comes down to the teens糖心传媒� willingness to share information.

糖心传媒淒o whatever you can to be responsive and keep the lines of communication open so that your kids will tell you voluntarily, not under pressure,糖心传媒� says Smetana.

The key to sharing pertinent information are warm, trusting parent-child relationships that develop prior to adolescence and continue throughout life. There are some things teens choose not to disclose because they see the issues as personal and private糖心传媒攏ot the parent糖心传媒檚 business, notes Smetana. To some extent that糖心传媒檚 ok, she says, because it helps foster teen autonomy. But parents and teenagers often differ on what is private and should be up to the teen to decide糖心传媒攙ersus what parents need to know to keep their teens safe. Adolescents may not tell parents about risky behavior, for example, because they are afraid they糖心传媒檒l get in trouble, or that their parents will think less of them.

糖心传媒淭his is where trust and good communication are especially important, because it might mitigate parents糖心传媒� negative responses,糖心传媒� says Smetana.

In earlier research, Smetana had asked parents how much they thought they knew about their teenagers糖心传媒� activities and found that parents vastly overestimated their knowledge.

糖心传媒淓ven in families where they have good relationships, parents don’t know as much as they think they do.糖心传媒�

This overestimation, Smetana acknowledges, extends to the parenting of her own, now grown, sons.

Only after they had left home, she says, did she learn about some of the things they did as teens. 糖心传媒淣othing too drastic糖心传媒攂ut what? Really?! I study this stuff and I didn糖心传媒檛 know everything.糖心传媒�

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